Madonna isn’t coming to Portland on her just-announced world tour, but you should still go

The video dropped this morning: There’s Madonna, teeth bejeweled, playing Truth or Dare with Amy Schumer, Lil Wayne, Jack Black, Meg Stalter, Judd Apatow, Eric André and others. So many others. Diplo. Things start weird and only get weirder.

The game culminates in Schumer daring Madonna to go on a world tour and play “four decades” of hits. Um, excuse me? Taylor Swift? Can I ask you a question? How many decades is your “Eras” tour? Oh.

Warning: This video is deeply not safe for work or children or honestly probably anyone under 30.

Let’s start with the bad news: Madonna, like Swift, has opted to not visit our beautiful, apparently mid-market city on “The Celebration Tour.”

But, that doesn’t mean you can’t go. In fact, take it from someone who has seen Madonna in concert: Go.

Back in 2015, a different world, she did stop in Portland and I got to see her for work at a different local publication. Nearly a decade later I can still close my eyes and see one of her dancers fall from a spiral staircase suspended over the center of the Moda Center and disappear into a sudden hole in the stage.

It was the best arena show I have ever seen.

Anyway, so, she’s not coming to Portland this time, which is apparently all the rage. The good news is”the tour will make one stop within reasonable driving distance: Seattle.

Her Seattle show will happen on Tuesday, July 18 at Climate Pledge Arena and tickets go on sale to the general public on Friday, Jan. 20 at 10 a.m. via Ticketmaster.

In the fall, Madonna will head to a couple of other locations that aren’t too hard to reach — Los Angeles on Sept. 27, San

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